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Dear Sir or Madam...

25th February, 2011. 12:53 am.(hicat)

Dear Netflix,

Why don't you have Rent on Demand?

Fuck you,
Roxy

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13th May, 2009. 4:13 pm.(hicat)

Dear Haverty's,

Please stop putting dogs in your commercials. You're raising our pet's blood pressure.

Love,
Beckie and Roxy

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14th April, 2008. 2:26 pm.(hicat)

Dear BearLocator.com,

Thank you for your repeated inquiries, but at this time I am not looking for a hairy stud. If I ever feel the urge to look for one, I will be sure to ask you first, since you seem to be so concerned about the location of one for me.

Lovingly yours,
Elka

PS- I think you may think I am a gay man... Do you know something I don't?

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12th April, 2007. 11:04 pm.(safirerings)

Dear Smiley Man At The Tollbooth At Exit 10,

I will change lanes and wait in a longer line to hear you say "Have a good one, Missy!" instead of your coworkers' "Nnnnuh". You make my commute less miserable every day. Please don't retire.

Sincerely,

Meg

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29th December, 2006. 11:00 am.(whitehaiku)

Dear George Washington:

For the last time, please stop sending me ads for Cialis and/or v1agra.

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18th September, 2006. 9:17 pm.(sacchifox)

Dear Dad,

Just stop. Please. I understand that you're just trying to look out for me and make sure I'm doing what's "healthy," but you're just making it worse. And the little things you do to try and make up for it don't do a thing to make things right again. It's too late. Things are never going to be like they were.

Stop making me angry at you. I don't want to be angry at you any more. I love you too much to stop liking you.

Sincerely,
Me

Current mood: drained.

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1st July, 2006. 11:33 am. hmmm(cutebunnygirl)

Dear, well you know who

You are a confusing , intiguing mess . I sometimes wonder what the hell is going through your head , and muse on your oddness .

I have a crush on you .


Your friend / aquaintance

ME

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22nd March, 2006. 6:10 pm.(hicat)

Dear David Beckham,

We loved you when you were with the Spice Girls.

Love,
Elka and Roxy

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21st January, 2006. 1:39 pm.(hicat)

Dear Makers of the Original Ninja Turtles Cartoon:

"Sacagawea" is not a Japanese word. I'm very sure of this. "Sacagawea" was the name of the Indian lady who helped guide Lewis and Clark. Therefore, Splinter going "HiYA Sacagawea!!" makes little to no sense whatsoever. Please make a note of this.

-Elka

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11th January, 2006. 11:30 pm.(hicat)

Dear Congressman:

In case you were wondering, I'm not trying to turn you on with the thought of hot hot lesbian sex. I know, I know, you're all into that girl on girl thing, but it's disruptive! And negative! They don't pay any attention to me when they're shagging. Also, as I am currently not shagging anyone myself, the negativity goes up very high.

Please resolve this issue. Public schools, man! Public schools! And no attention for me! "Best friend" my ass..

Lovingly again,
Beckie

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